I can't believe how much time has flown since graduation and all of the changes that have occurred in my life. I remember a priesthood blessing that was given to me in the summer of 2018. I don't remember the circumstances that prompted me getting a blessing. I know that there was confusion and stress in my life due to the uncertainty of what I needed to be doing with my life. I had just finished BYU-Pathway Worldwide and was planning on going to BYU-Idaho, get my degree and become a seminary teacher. For I had been prompted to be a seminary teacher for a number of years. I knew that was where I was going, but I felt like I was stagnant.
Isn't that the weirdest thing? To feel stagnant, even though you can see that you're progressing in some ways. I was going to school and would soon have my bachelor's degree. At the time, I didn't know how quickly I'd be graduating. Anyways, I digress. I had gone to the clerk's office one Sunday and asked if someone from the bishopric could give me a blessing. I was nervous, but knew I needed one. In the blessing, I was told that my Heavenly Father loved me and wanted to bless me with the things I desired, "if only I was open to receive them."
Open to receive them. I didn't know what that meant. I thought I was open. How do I become more open? This was something I needed to study and figure out what that really meant. I set to work doing that.
Fast forward to December. I had been in the training program for seminary, as well as subbing for seminary. I loved it more than anything! Teaching seminary to 14-18 year-old youth is truly one of the greatest things I'd ever done. Teaching special needs seminary is something I think everyone should have the opportunity to do. Those sweet students changed me. I felt really confident that I was going to be chosen. I was open for these blessings. I was good at it and it just felt completely right. I wasn't chosen.
I had to read and reread that email. I couldn't believe my eyes. Why had I been led here to fail? Why had I had such amazing feedback from teachers, principals, students, secretaries, etc.? Why do I still not understand how to listen to the spirit? Clearly I had done something wrong.
So, I moved forward from this heartbreak slowly and cautiously. I continued with school, although at that point, I felt that there was no point to that. I just kept plugging along. People would ask me, "What's your plan when you graduate from school?" or "What are you going to do with that degree?" I even was interviewed for a special that the Church Newsroom was going to do on Pathways at graduation and they asked me what I was going to do next. I said, "Well, I was planning on teaching seminary. We'll just have to wait and see," even though I knew that I wasn't going to be a seminary teacher. I had no idea what was next!
I had gone out a few times with this really great guy. There were a few weeks in between dates, and he asked me a few different times over this period of time, "So, do you know what direction you're going to go when you're done with school?" "Have you decided anything, yet?" My indecisiveness was probably one of the reasons he stopped pursuing me -which is sad because I liked him a lot- but I really had no idea. I answered people all the time with, "The Lord will let me know where I need to go."
People didn't like that answer much, although, they'd seem supportive initially, they'd end up saying something like, "You know, if you start walking in the wrong direction, He'll let you know, but you've got to be moving first." That makes complete sense! However, it just wasn't happening for me. I couldn't feel any direction and I was not going to just go somewhere to be going and then find out it wasn't where I was supposed to be. That shows you how little faith I had, or at least, I thought I had.
There were moments when I'd feel uptight and stressed about it as school was wrapping up and I told one of my friends my feelings, and he said I just needed to focus on getting done with school, and then I could worry about that. It didn't make sense to me, since I always need to have a plan- except that lately all of my life changing decisions have been spontaneous, which is not like me at all! But I went with his advice and stopped worrying about it.
We did a MidSingles conference in August, that went wonderfully! I was tired after that and it was our time to be at Snowbird for the year. I needed to look for a job, but I wanted to just relax and be on vacation. One day, I felt this urgency to look for a job. I was headed to a Real game that night and felt like I had no time for that. I quickly got on the church's website, applied for two jobs and the urgency was gone.
Going back to the summer of 2018, I had felt like I should become an ordinance worker at the temple. I talked to my mom about it. Since I wouldn't have Pathways on Thursdays, I'd have a free night. She suggested I wait and see how the workload at BYU-I was going to be before I moved forward with that. I'm thankful I listened because that would've been so hard. Once I graduated, I talked to my bishop to see what I needed to do to work at the temple.
I met with President Staheli at the Bountiful Temple on Tuesday, August 27th. He set me apart as a temple worker and talked to me about the blessings that come from working in the temple. On Thursday, I had an interview at one of the two jobs. The next Tuesday, I was offered a job!
It's amazing to look and see how Heavenly Father was leading me here. It makes me excited for other things He's preparing me for. I can't believe how things I have now are so much better than things I dreamed I would have. I never would've imagined that I'd get to have the experiences I have.
Isn't that the weirdest thing? To feel stagnant, even though you can see that you're progressing in some ways. I was going to school and would soon have my bachelor's degree. At the time, I didn't know how quickly I'd be graduating. Anyways, I digress. I had gone to the clerk's office one Sunday and asked if someone from the bishopric could give me a blessing. I was nervous, but knew I needed one. In the blessing, I was told that my Heavenly Father loved me and wanted to bless me with the things I desired, "if only I was open to receive them."
Open to receive them. I didn't know what that meant. I thought I was open. How do I become more open? This was something I needed to study and figure out what that really meant. I set to work doing that.
Fast forward to December. I had been in the training program for seminary, as well as subbing for seminary. I loved it more than anything! Teaching seminary to 14-18 year-old youth is truly one of the greatest things I'd ever done. Teaching special needs seminary is something I think everyone should have the opportunity to do. Those sweet students changed me. I felt really confident that I was going to be chosen. I was open for these blessings. I was good at it and it just felt completely right. I wasn't chosen.
I had to read and reread that email. I couldn't believe my eyes. Why had I been led here to fail? Why had I had such amazing feedback from teachers, principals, students, secretaries, etc.? Why do I still not understand how to listen to the spirit? Clearly I had done something wrong.
So, I moved forward from this heartbreak slowly and cautiously. I continued with school, although at that point, I felt that there was no point to that. I just kept plugging along. People would ask me, "What's your plan when you graduate from school?" or "What are you going to do with that degree?" I even was interviewed for a special that the Church Newsroom was going to do on Pathways at graduation and they asked me what I was going to do next. I said, "Well, I was planning on teaching seminary. We'll just have to wait and see," even though I knew that I wasn't going to be a seminary teacher. I had no idea what was next!
I had gone out a few times with this really great guy. There were a few weeks in between dates, and he asked me a few different times over this period of time, "So, do you know what direction you're going to go when you're done with school?" "Have you decided anything, yet?" My indecisiveness was probably one of the reasons he stopped pursuing me -which is sad because I liked him a lot- but I really had no idea. I answered people all the time with, "The Lord will let me know where I need to go."
People didn't like that answer much, although, they'd seem supportive initially, they'd end up saying something like, "You know, if you start walking in the wrong direction, He'll let you know, but you've got to be moving first." That makes complete sense! However, it just wasn't happening for me. I couldn't feel any direction and I was not going to just go somewhere to be going and then find out it wasn't where I was supposed to be. That shows you how little faith I had, or at least, I thought I had.
There were moments when I'd feel uptight and stressed about it as school was wrapping up and I told one of my friends my feelings, and he said I just needed to focus on getting done with school, and then I could worry about that. It didn't make sense to me, since I always need to have a plan- except that lately all of my life changing decisions have been spontaneous, which is not like me at all! But I went with his advice and stopped worrying about it.
We did a MidSingles conference in August, that went wonderfully! I was tired after that and it was our time to be at Snowbird for the year. I needed to look for a job, but I wanted to just relax and be on vacation. One day, I felt this urgency to look for a job. I was headed to a Real game that night and felt like I had no time for that. I quickly got on the church's website, applied for two jobs and the urgency was gone.
Going back to the summer of 2018, I had felt like I should become an ordinance worker at the temple. I talked to my mom about it. Since I wouldn't have Pathways on Thursdays, I'd have a free night. She suggested I wait and see how the workload at BYU-I was going to be before I moved forward with that. I'm thankful I listened because that would've been so hard. Once I graduated, I talked to my bishop to see what I needed to do to work at the temple.
I met with President Staheli at the Bountiful Temple on Tuesday, August 27th. He set me apart as a temple worker and talked to me about the blessings that come from working in the temple. On Thursday, I had an interview at one of the two jobs. The next Tuesday, I was offered a job!
It's amazing to look and see how Heavenly Father was leading me here. It makes me excited for other things He's preparing me for. I can't believe how things I have now are so much better than things I dreamed I would have. I never would've imagined that I'd get to have the experiences I have.
Heavenly Father is so aware of each of us and only wants the best for us. I'm certain of that! So, if you find yourself in the waiting period, like each of us do from time to time, hold on and hope on. You may not know what lies ahead for you, but Someone does and He loves you so much!
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