It's been so long! Summer has been so much fun, and busy, and I just haven't had much time to share.
Today, I want to share this book that I absolutely loved! It's by Emily Belle Freeman. It's called, "Getting to the Place Where You can Trust God with Anything, Even This". Before I write my book report :), I want to give some back up of why this affected me so much.
I went to Time Out for Women, for the first time, this year. It was here in Layton, and I invited my mom to go. I was still in the state of feeling broken in my life. Everything was going wrong. I developed this new anxiety issue in the year before, that made it so that I'd be so excited for something, but as the time drew near, I would be in complete shut down, where I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. So, there I was excited to go to Time out for Women, hoping with all that I had, that I would hear the answer that would fix my brokenness, but dreading to get there.
The Friday night presenters were really good. My heart broke hearing Tim Ballard talking about Operation Underground Railroad. My heart hurts for all of those people stuck in human trafficking. At the same time, I was so -weird word, but- proud of this man that would go out to rescue, and amazed by his wife and children for being so willing to give him up for the time it takes him away from them. The Sistas in Zion were funny, and had a good message. I relate to how they feel like they don't fit in, because of the color of their skin. It made me think of all of those people that have talked to me over the years of their feeling like they don't fit, because of their marital status. It made me think of the odd comments I've received, because of my marital status. Nathan Pacheco has an amazing voice. I had just seen him with David Archuleta a month before, so it wasn't anything really new, but so enjoyable.
I enjoyed Friday night, I didn't get my answer I was hoping for, though.
I had already been really looking forward to Saturday. There were a few presenters that were people that had come and presented at my MidSingles conferences, and one that I had asked, but then fell through, and more. I had S. Michael Wilcox and Brad Wilcox both present a couple times for different events, and I was so excited to hear them again. I was also excited to hear from the ones I had never heard before.
I was really impressed with Hilary Weeks. I'm thankful I was able to see her, and hear her message. She was the one that had committed to come speak, and then ended up not doing it. I don't know if she really committed or if her assistant lady jumped the gun when she said yes to me. The lady in her email apologized, but then listed all of the benefits that my attendees would've gained from hearing her, and it made me sad. Listening to her, I decided right then that I would be better at listening to and following through on promptings. (This will be another post. Have I got some stories for you!)
When Emily Belle Freeman starting speaking, I immediately felt this connection to what she was saying. There were moments that were kind of an awakening, when I thought, "Oh my gosh, THAT is exactly how I feel!" Tears were just pouring down my face. My heart hurt and felt peace all at the same time. I was hurting knowing that I was keeping my Heavenly Father at arms length. I felt peace knowing that I wasn't alone in feeling the things I was feeling.
There's a part of my life that I have stopped praying about. It's actually the biggest dream and blessing I could ever receive. It's what I've been dreaming for and planning my entire life. I used to pray for it, I'd pray for any aspect of that dream that popped into my mind. I don't anymore. I grew so tired of praying for it, and thinking that I was receiving answers, and then have everything I thought I knew about it fall apart. That's been my history. I go through phases, but had never completely quit praying about it. I've actually felt much better. I don't stress out about it anymore.
Listening to Emily talking about keeping God at arms length. That's what I was doing. I stopped trusting Him. I trust Him in other aspects of my life, but not what is dearest to me. One story she shared that day was of her daughter playing in a Lacrosse game, and having the impression to pray for protection for her. So, she prayed and she prayed all through the rest of the game. Right at the end of the game, she gets hit in the face, as Emily's husband grabs her -he was the coach- he yells to her to get the keys, they've got to go. There this girl was with this injury that swelled up so much, she couldn't open her eye. All the while Emily is questioning why she received this inspiration, and why it didn't work...
I've been there. I was there in that place for a LONG time! The wondering and questioning. Did I hang on for the answer or did I give up? I stopped praying about it.
...The doctor came in, and told them their daughter had been protected. Had it been 1/4" one way or the other serious damage could have been done, but the ball hit right in the right place to not damage her sight or crack her cheek bone. Wow!!!
Well, this book came out last week! I once again was reminded of where I was lacking. I had taken what she talked about, and tried to be better, but realized I was still holding on to some of those feelings.
This is my new motto! Trust is hard for me. I also learned that I need to study the bible more. There are so many stories that I know that surface of, but reading this book, she shared so many things I'd never related to them before.
What I learned from this book is to "trace God in my life- trace the goodness". Even in the hardships, there is always good to be found. Be grateful, thank Him, acknowledge the goodness and appreciate it- verbally. Let go. This one is big for me. I hold on as hard as I possibly can for as long as I possibly can. Recognize it is not in my control, let go, and let things happen. Lean into the Lord and His capacity- ask Him for what I need Him to be, and then ask what He needs me to be.
As I write all of this out, I realize that I have been working on these things since TOFW. I may have only improved a little, but I've moved in the right direction. Step by step, I'll be more trusting, and I'll be better; because, I know the distance that is caused by not sharing your whole self in any relationship. The relationship between me and my Father in Heaven is most important, and I don't want to distance myself anymore.
Today, I want to share this book that I absolutely loved! It's by Emily Belle Freeman. It's called, "Getting to the Place Where You can Trust God with Anything, Even This". Before I write my book report :), I want to give some back up of why this affected me so much.
I went to Time Out for Women, for the first time, this year. It was here in Layton, and I invited my mom to go. I was still in the state of feeling broken in my life. Everything was going wrong. I developed this new anxiety issue in the year before, that made it so that I'd be so excited for something, but as the time drew near, I would be in complete shut down, where I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. So, there I was excited to go to Time out for Women, hoping with all that I had, that I would hear the answer that would fix my brokenness, but dreading to get there.
The Friday night presenters were really good. My heart broke hearing Tim Ballard talking about Operation Underground Railroad. My heart hurts for all of those people stuck in human trafficking. At the same time, I was so -weird word, but- proud of this man that would go out to rescue, and amazed by his wife and children for being so willing to give him up for the time it takes him away from them. The Sistas in Zion were funny, and had a good message. I relate to how they feel like they don't fit in, because of the color of their skin. It made me think of all of those people that have talked to me over the years of their feeling like they don't fit, because of their marital status. It made me think of the odd comments I've received, because of my marital status. Nathan Pacheco has an amazing voice. I had just seen him with David Archuleta a month before, so it wasn't anything really new, but so enjoyable.
I enjoyed Friday night, I didn't get my answer I was hoping for, though.
I had already been really looking forward to Saturday. There were a few presenters that were people that had come and presented at my MidSingles conferences, and one that I had asked, but then fell through, and more. I had S. Michael Wilcox and Brad Wilcox both present a couple times for different events, and I was so excited to hear them again. I was also excited to hear from the ones I had never heard before.
I was really impressed with Hilary Weeks. I'm thankful I was able to see her, and hear her message. She was the one that had committed to come speak, and then ended up not doing it. I don't know if she really committed or if her assistant lady jumped the gun when she said yes to me. The lady in her email apologized, but then listed all of the benefits that my attendees would've gained from hearing her, and it made me sad. Listening to her, I decided right then that I would be better at listening to and following through on promptings. (This will be another post. Have I got some stories for you!)
When Emily Belle Freeman starting speaking, I immediately felt this connection to what she was saying. There were moments that were kind of an awakening, when I thought, "Oh my gosh, THAT is exactly how I feel!" Tears were just pouring down my face. My heart hurt and felt peace all at the same time. I was hurting knowing that I was keeping my Heavenly Father at arms length. I felt peace knowing that I wasn't alone in feeling the things I was feeling.
There's a part of my life that I have stopped praying about. It's actually the biggest dream and blessing I could ever receive. It's what I've been dreaming for and planning my entire life. I used to pray for it, I'd pray for any aspect of that dream that popped into my mind. I don't anymore. I grew so tired of praying for it, and thinking that I was receiving answers, and then have everything I thought I knew about it fall apart. That's been my history. I go through phases, but had never completely quit praying about it. I've actually felt much better. I don't stress out about it anymore.
Listening to Emily talking about keeping God at arms length. That's what I was doing. I stopped trusting Him. I trust Him in other aspects of my life, but not what is dearest to me. One story she shared that day was of her daughter playing in a Lacrosse game, and having the impression to pray for protection for her. So, she prayed and she prayed all through the rest of the game. Right at the end of the game, she gets hit in the face, as Emily's husband grabs her -he was the coach- he yells to her to get the keys, they've got to go. There this girl was with this injury that swelled up so much, she couldn't open her eye. All the while Emily is questioning why she received this inspiration, and why it didn't work...
I've been there. I was there in that place for a LONG time! The wondering and questioning. Did I hang on for the answer or did I give up? I stopped praying about it.
...The doctor came in, and told them their daughter had been protected. Had it been 1/4" one way or the other serious damage could have been done, but the ball hit right in the right place to not damage her sight or crack her cheek bone. Wow!!!
Well, this book came out last week! I once again was reminded of where I was lacking. I had taken what she talked about, and tried to be better, but realized I was still holding on to some of those feelings.
"What will my journey look like if I trust God with my whole heart? What if I don't approach life by leaning on my own understanding? Is it possible that God holds in His hands blessings I can't even begin to anticipate? That He is patiently waiting for me to ask for the miracle He has designed rather than the one I have?
Maybe letting go will allow me to take hold of the miracle that is already within my reach." ("Even This" p. 78)
This is my new motto! Trust is hard for me. I also learned that I need to study the bible more. There are so many stories that I know that surface of, but reading this book, she shared so many things I'd never related to them before.
What I learned from this book is to "trace God in my life- trace the goodness". Even in the hardships, there is always good to be found. Be grateful, thank Him, acknowledge the goodness and appreciate it- verbally. Let go. This one is big for me. I hold on as hard as I possibly can for as long as I possibly can. Recognize it is not in my control, let go, and let things happen. Lean into the Lord and His capacity- ask Him for what I need Him to be, and then ask what He needs me to be.
As I write all of this out, I realize that I have been working on these things since TOFW. I may have only improved a little, but I've moved in the right direction. Step by step, I'll be more trusting, and I'll be better; because, I know the distance that is caused by not sharing your whole self in any relationship. The relationship between me and my Father in Heaven is most important, and I don't want to distance myself anymore.
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