I was able to participate in a devotional at a girls camp last week. There was an hour and 15 minutes scheduled for the devotional, so my mom and I team taught!
The topic was "How has knowing your individual worth helped you overcome adversities?" They had had a cancellation, due to a death in a family, and so we had five days to prepare. The hard thing was having two people, with our own wants and feelings as to how it should go, and combining all of it into one presentation. I think it ended up going wonderfully, and we got to say what we were led to say by the spirit.
Not being sure of the direction I wanted to go, and being afraid to open up too much, I reached out to some of my friends. I wanted to hear how knowing their individual worth had helped them. I got a few responses, and the few responses I got were amazing! They were all so unique, that it confirmed to me our uniqueness as children of a loving Heavenly Father. He knows each of us and is helping each of us individually. We each came to earth with our own gifts to contribute to the world, we just need to discover them. We, also, each came with our own set of trials personalized just for us.
I began by talking about the girl that has always questioned her worth, and compared her to the girl that has never questioned her worth. Then the girl that wondered if she'd had been a disciple of Christ if she lived at the time of His living on the earth. Then the girl that was waiting for a long time for a new baby she'd been told she would have in priesthood blessings, but was needed to help care for her ailing father. The girl that had just gotten in a huge argument with her biological dad, but knew because of knowing her worth, that that trial would pass. To the girl that some in her family have made some hard decisions, but came to know that their choices do not affect her worth, and that no blessings will be withheld from her due to their actions.
What I learned through these stories, was that we all have our own things that hold us up, but we all have a Savior and a Heavenly Father that loves us so much. Most of us sit in the in between of questioning our worth and knowing without a doubt our worth. As an outsider looking in, I see that girl questioning it, and was literally amazed to read that in her message. She's strong and kind and beautiful, and I hope one day she will see herself through the eyes of those observing her.
Then it was time to open up about me. I told them of the little girl that knew beyond a doubt that she needed to not give in to temptations and make bad choices, because she'd only been with her daddy for seven years, and wasn't going to risk any chance of getting to be with him in the eternities. I told them of my dreams. I was going to marry the cute boy I loved in junior high and high school and we were going to have lots of babies and we were all going to be musical, because the two of us were. It was going to be perfect and we were going to be happy forever! Obviously that didn't happen! He went on a mission, and came home and announced he was gay.
That was a set back for me. I'd grown up doing what I was supposed to, and I was going to "be blessed with a husband and a family." Did my not getting that at that time of my life mean I was less of a person? Of course not, but it was a struggle, and I lost a sense of my worth. College was fun, but I still didn't end up with my dreamy, little family. I started my career, and did a lot of fun things. I got to be there to help my grandma every day while she struggled through dimentia. I was living, but that's all I was doing. I was getting by. I wasn't striving for anything new, I was busy adulting!
Then I was given some amazing opportunities to serve others. I was able to meet and interact with some of the most amazing people I've ever met. I was able to develop skills I never knew I had. I remembered my worth as a daughter of God. He had a plan for me, and it was to serve some of His precious children. Although it was sometimes extremely stressful, I was happy. I remembered who I was, I remembered why I loved doing what I was doing. I had no doubt in my mind that I was where I was supposed to be, and I was so thankful.
Things changed, and I was wandering not knowing for sure where I was to go next. I had been dating people off and on. I had someone who really wanted us to be moving forward and he talked about getting married. There was nothing I wanted more than to be married, but I knew that this was not the right time or the right person. I was heartbroken. I remember him telling me that I needed to take a step into the dark, and faith would lead me to where I was supposed to be- him. That was what I wanted, but my taking a step into the dark and having faith was really to step away from him. It hurt so badly, but I did it. Then I had been on-again/off-again with another guy. This one I felt perfectly comfortable with, but he didn't, and said one night, "Have a good night. I'll talk to you later," in his front yard, and didn't talk to me for a long time! All of that led me to question my worth. If I wasn't worth a text message to this guy, what was I worth? Then someone new came along, and it was perfect- for a while- then it wasn't, at all! I'd been putting my trust in the wrong places.
I was lost and broken. I went through months of struggling. I questioned everything. I didn't know who I was or what I was doing. I had no idea of where to go, and how I would ever not be sad. Then one Sunday, I was sitting in sacrament meeting, listening to a speaker talking about his grandson that had been born premature, and they didn't think he would survive. This little guy had a nurse that was atheist. They got to know her over the time they were in the NICU, and one day she said that little boy was going to survive, because there had been three spirit women watching over him constantly. She had seen them, and she knew they were there for him. I sat there so upset, because that woman that didn't even believe in anything got to have this amazing spiritual experience, and there I was someone that proclaimed to believe, and didn't get to feel any of that! Where's the fairness in that?! Okay, let's just look at this and really think. A. I was being so judgemental, and that's not like me. B. I can't believe that I'd begrudge anyone of having an amazing experience like that. And C. How did I let myself get here?
Then I had this moment, I don't know how to explain it, but it was kind of like the light had gone on. I have had amazing experiences, and I'd forgotten them. I'd been blessed by being able to have experiences in the past that had led me to know my individual worth. Then it was as if while I was being jealous of the nurses experiences, I had an answer that although I hadn't felt the spirit in a long time, and I hadn't felt my dad around me in even a longer amount of time, that it was not because I'd been stranded on my own, it was because I had blocked them. I had been so caught up in the hurt and the fear that I was consumed in it. I had forgotten who I was. But all of a sudden I remembered, and I was so thankful!
I read in the Book of Mormon in 2 Nephi 4, Nephi laments about the goodness of the Lord, but "O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities... O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy.,, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?... my heart is broken and my spirit contrite!" (v. 17, 26 & 32). This struck me this time around about how Nephi was a prophet and he knew the goodness of the Lord, and had been shown many things, but he was struggling. It's okay that I struggle. It's okay that I forget who I am sometimes, because the Lord will always give me opportunities to remember, as long as I'm open to Him.
All along my journey of knowing my worth, but forgetting, I've been blessed to grow and develop in ways I never would have been able to and had experiences I never would have been able to have had I been that cute, little mom I dreamed of being. I still dream of being that cute mom someday, and hopefully, one day I'll get to grow in that experience, as well.
We gave each girl a plate that said:
The topic was "How has knowing your individual worth helped you overcome adversities?" They had had a cancellation, due to a death in a family, and so we had five days to prepare. The hard thing was having two people, with our own wants and feelings as to how it should go, and combining all of it into one presentation. I think it ended up going wonderfully, and we got to say what we were led to say by the spirit.
Not being sure of the direction I wanted to go, and being afraid to open up too much, I reached out to some of my friends. I wanted to hear how knowing their individual worth had helped them. I got a few responses, and the few responses I got were amazing! They were all so unique, that it confirmed to me our uniqueness as children of a loving Heavenly Father. He knows each of us and is helping each of us individually. We each came to earth with our own gifts to contribute to the world, we just need to discover them. We, also, each came with our own set of trials personalized just for us.
I began by talking about the girl that has always questioned her worth, and compared her to the girl that has never questioned her worth. Then the girl that wondered if she'd had been a disciple of Christ if she lived at the time of His living on the earth. Then the girl that was waiting for a long time for a new baby she'd been told she would have in priesthood blessings, but was needed to help care for her ailing father. The girl that had just gotten in a huge argument with her biological dad, but knew because of knowing her worth, that that trial would pass. To the girl that some in her family have made some hard decisions, but came to know that their choices do not affect her worth, and that no blessings will be withheld from her due to their actions.
What I learned through these stories, was that we all have our own things that hold us up, but we all have a Savior and a Heavenly Father that loves us so much. Most of us sit in the in between of questioning our worth and knowing without a doubt our worth. As an outsider looking in, I see that girl questioning it, and was literally amazed to read that in her message. She's strong and kind and beautiful, and I hope one day she will see herself through the eyes of those observing her.
Then it was time to open up about me. I told them of the little girl that knew beyond a doubt that she needed to not give in to temptations and make bad choices, because she'd only been with her daddy for seven years, and wasn't going to risk any chance of getting to be with him in the eternities. I told them of my dreams. I was going to marry the cute boy I loved in junior high and high school and we were going to have lots of babies and we were all going to be musical, because the two of us were. It was going to be perfect and we were going to be happy forever! Obviously that didn't happen! He went on a mission, and came home and announced he was gay.
That was a set back for me. I'd grown up doing what I was supposed to, and I was going to "be blessed with a husband and a family." Did my not getting that at that time of my life mean I was less of a person? Of course not, but it was a struggle, and I lost a sense of my worth. College was fun, but I still didn't end up with my dreamy, little family. I started my career, and did a lot of fun things. I got to be there to help my grandma every day while she struggled through dimentia. I was living, but that's all I was doing. I was getting by. I wasn't striving for anything new, I was busy adulting!
Then I was given some amazing opportunities to serve others. I was able to meet and interact with some of the most amazing people I've ever met. I was able to develop skills I never knew I had. I remembered my worth as a daughter of God. He had a plan for me, and it was to serve some of His precious children. Although it was sometimes extremely stressful, I was happy. I remembered who I was, I remembered why I loved doing what I was doing. I had no doubt in my mind that I was where I was supposed to be, and I was so thankful.
Things changed, and I was wandering not knowing for sure where I was to go next. I had been dating people off and on. I had someone who really wanted us to be moving forward and he talked about getting married. There was nothing I wanted more than to be married, but I knew that this was not the right time or the right person. I was heartbroken. I remember him telling me that I needed to take a step into the dark, and faith would lead me to where I was supposed to be- him. That was what I wanted, but my taking a step into the dark and having faith was really to step away from him. It hurt so badly, but I did it. Then I had been on-again/off-again with another guy. This one I felt perfectly comfortable with, but he didn't, and said one night, "Have a good night. I'll talk to you later," in his front yard, and didn't talk to me for a long time! All of that led me to question my worth. If I wasn't worth a text message to this guy, what was I worth? Then someone new came along, and it was perfect- for a while- then it wasn't, at all! I'd been putting my trust in the wrong places.
I was lost and broken. I went through months of struggling. I questioned everything. I didn't know who I was or what I was doing. I had no idea of where to go, and how I would ever not be sad. Then one Sunday, I was sitting in sacrament meeting, listening to a speaker talking about his grandson that had been born premature, and they didn't think he would survive. This little guy had a nurse that was atheist. They got to know her over the time they were in the NICU, and one day she said that little boy was going to survive, because there had been three spirit women watching over him constantly. She had seen them, and she knew they were there for him. I sat there so upset, because that woman that didn't even believe in anything got to have this amazing spiritual experience, and there I was someone that proclaimed to believe, and didn't get to feel any of that! Where's the fairness in that?! Okay, let's just look at this and really think. A. I was being so judgemental, and that's not like me. B. I can't believe that I'd begrudge anyone of having an amazing experience like that. And C. How did I let myself get here?
Then I had this moment, I don't know how to explain it, but it was kind of like the light had gone on. I have had amazing experiences, and I'd forgotten them. I'd been blessed by being able to have experiences in the past that had led me to know my individual worth. Then it was as if while I was being jealous of the nurses experiences, I had an answer that although I hadn't felt the spirit in a long time, and I hadn't felt my dad around me in even a longer amount of time, that it was not because I'd been stranded on my own, it was because I had blocked them. I had been so caught up in the hurt and the fear that I was consumed in it. I had forgotten who I was. But all of a sudden I remembered, and I was so thankful!
I read in the Book of Mormon in 2 Nephi 4, Nephi laments about the goodness of the Lord, but "O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities... O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy.,, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?... my heart is broken and my spirit contrite!" (v. 17, 26 & 32). This struck me this time around about how Nephi was a prophet and he knew the goodness of the Lord, and had been shown many things, but he was struggling. It's okay that I struggle. It's okay that I forget who I am sometimes, because the Lord will always give me opportunities to remember, as long as I'm open to Him.
All along my journey of knowing my worth, but forgetting, I've been blessed to grow and develop in ways I never would have been able to and had experiences I never would have been able to have had I been that cute, little mom I dreamed of being. I still dream of being that cute mom someday, and hopefully, one day I'll get to grow in that experience, as well.
We gave each girl a plate that said:
GIFTS
Discover them
Improve them
Share them
Honor Him
I know that we all have an individual worth, and we don't need to look outside to others to know it. Everyone of us can pray to see ourselves the way the Lord sees us. The answer will come. Even if I was the only person in the world, Jesus Christ would still have died and been resurrected to save me, because I'm worth it to Him, and so are you!
"O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever."
2 Nephi 4:34
So, what my message is today, is that no matter where you are on your journey, you can always discover and re-discover your worth. It's okay if you don't always remember. If you are one of those that does always remember, be grateful, because that is a blessing in and of itself. Pray and then trust your answer, because you truly are a daughter or son of great worth!
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