Today I saw a headline on LDS.org, that said, "Sometimes the Answer is Simply Peace". So, obviously I clicked on it!
The year 2016 was a rough year for me. I had been through some heart wrenching pain, like I'd never experienced before. In late 2015, I had been given a priesthood blessing from one of my ecclesiastical leaders. In that blessing, I was told some things about a situation that I was in, and some promises were made. It even said to "write this blessing down" so I could look back to it for strength. I did so, which, looking back I wished I hadn't, because it was written where I could see it, and dwell on the promises. Even when I saw the situation going the complete opposite direction, I kept reading it and reading it. It was not good.
I prayed and prayed for peace to come. I longed for the feeling of peace and the security I would feel from it. One day, as I walked away from the situation, I felt complete peace. It was weird. I had peace that things were going to be okay. In my brain, my thinking was that I had prayed that things would work out the way I wanted them to, and then I felt peace, so obviously the peace was confirming my thoughts. It wasn't!
So, for the next few months, as I pondered and prayed, and did everything in my power I knew how to, to understand the situation, and why I had felt peace, obviously I had tricked myself into feeling peace. Who knows where my brain was through all of this!? I tricked myself. I didn't trick myself, I was in such a state of doubt. Looking back, I know I felt peace, because the Lord was letting me know that *I* was going to be okay.
Peace is such a gift! I remember being a little girl, not understanding why my daddy had died and what we were going to do without him. All of these relatives had been having dreams of him, and knew that he was okay where he was, and they were okay. I hadn't felt that. Why didn't I get to feel that? One day it came. I knew that my dad was okay, and I knew that we were going to be okay. Peace came.
I used to be so shy that I couldn't order my own food at Wendy's! I'd feel so nervous when I had to be in front of people at school, in job interviews, even reading in one of my church classes. I'd get sick to my stomach. This was one of those things that took a long time to overcome, and occasionally it pops back up, but so many times peace came. I knew that I could get through one class, one interview, one opening prayer in a meeting. I knew I could, because I would pray for it, and that's what I needed.
While searching for peace, I was determined that even if I didn't feel peace all day long, that I needed to search for one thing every single day that would help me feel peace if only for a minute. So, I made a point to take a photo everyday of something that made me happy. For my job, I drove, a lot! My car is a 2014, and it has over 58,000 miles, and I put all of that on, but 52 miles. I got to see a lot of beautiful things!
The year 2016 was a rough year for me. I had been through some heart wrenching pain, like I'd never experienced before. In late 2015, I had been given a priesthood blessing from one of my ecclesiastical leaders. In that blessing, I was told some things about a situation that I was in, and some promises were made. It even said to "write this blessing down" so I could look back to it for strength. I did so, which, looking back I wished I hadn't, because it was written where I could see it, and dwell on the promises. Even when I saw the situation going the complete opposite direction, I kept reading it and reading it. It was not good.
I prayed and prayed for peace to come. I longed for the feeling of peace and the security I would feel from it. One day, as I walked away from the situation, I felt complete peace. It was weird. I had peace that things were going to be okay. In my brain, my thinking was that I had prayed that things would work out the way I wanted them to, and then I felt peace, so obviously the peace was confirming my thoughts. It wasn't!
So, for the next few months, as I pondered and prayed, and did everything in my power I knew how to, to understand the situation, and why I had felt peace, obviously I had tricked myself into feeling peace. Who knows where my brain was through all of this!?
Peace is such a gift! I remember being a little girl, not understanding why my daddy had died and what we were going to do without him. All of these relatives had been having dreams of him, and knew that he was okay where he was, and they were okay. I hadn't felt that. Why didn't I get to feel that? One day it came. I knew that my dad was okay, and I knew that we were going to be okay. Peace came.
I used to be so shy that I couldn't order my own food at Wendy's! I'd feel so nervous when I had to be in front of people at school, in job interviews, even reading in one of my church classes. I'd get sick to my stomach. This was one of those things that took a long time to overcome, and occasionally it pops back up, but so many times peace came. I knew that I could get through one class, one interview, one opening prayer in a meeting. I knew I could, because I would pray for it, and that's what I needed.
While searching for peace, I was determined that even if I didn't feel peace all day long, that I needed to search for one thing every single day that would help me feel peace if only for a minute. So, I made a point to take a photo everyday of something that made me happy. For my job, I drove, a lot! My car is a 2014, and it has over 58,000 miles, and I put all of that on, but 52 miles. I got to see a lot of beautiful things!
This is the view from my dad's plot at the American Fork cemetery. Isn't it beautiful?!
I've learned I don't need to know the exact answer or reason or understanding of the situations that I'm in. If I have that calm feeling of peace, I'm going to be okay no matter where life takes me. You may feel a hint of peace, like the first hint of light as the sunrises. Hold to it, and know that things will work out!
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